I get a lot of messages from fellow single mums about dating. Some of them are having fun being ‘back in the game’ – meeting new people, going out for dinner or drinks and having a great time. Some of them are a bit unsure; they usually ask for tips on getting back out there, or they ask how bad it really is. A few of them tell me “never again” and say they are never dipping their toe back into the dating pool. Honestly I can empathise will all of them. The idea of being wined and dined, getting dressed up and having a laugh with someone new really appeals to me, but it also makes me feel a bit exhausted too. This is my second time around in the world of Tinder and other dating apps, but some people finding themselves newly single are being thrown into the world of swiping, super likes, sex dating and internet dating for the very first time and it is a bit terrifying.
For me the thought of starting over again is daunting (at best) and kind of horrifying (at worst). To have to get to know someone again and let them get to know me; all of our little quirks, likes and dislikes on display for the other person to either tolerate or despise – it’s a lot of effort and the fear of it ending badly again is still so strong. It is hard, but taking the leap or even just a little step towards meeting someone new can be a really positive thing.
Meeting New People is So Important
While I was busy building a home and a little family unit I most definitely neglected other people in my life. My best friend was at home with me, and when life gets busy you often lack time for anyone else. Equally while I was playing house my friends were doing much the same, and now I’ve found myself back on my own they are still busy with their own families. Being on your own has a lot of positives, but it can be really lonely and isolating and that’s not a great place to be.
Dating – either online, via apps or through friends is a really great way to get to know new people, and even if you don’t fall in love – you might find a really good mate. As humans we are designed to crave companionship, and whether you meet someone who’s clothes you can’t wait to rip off or you find someone who’s happy to binge a new series of Netflix with you, relationships of all kinds will benefit your life. Dating websites allow you to find people with similar interests, and it could be the start of a really beautiful friendship if nothing else.
Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone
I am queen of staying inside my safe comfort zone, it’s so cosy and warm here so why would I ever want to leave? Unfortunately nothing very exciting tends to happen within that comfort zone, and although staying there feels easy and safe, it’s a good way to find yourself in an unhappy slump which can be a lot harder to climb out of. Dating is a great way to push yourself a little bit – whether that means getting dressed and heading out on a Saturday night instead of staying home in your PJs or it means trying something pretty exciting with someone who has the same interests as you. Maybe it’ll be awkward, maybe you’ll never want to see them again, maybe they won’t fancy you, but maybe it will turn into something great, and maybe you’ll feel brilliant afterwards for doing something that gave you butterflies.
Whether you are seeking companionship, something to occupy your evening, nostringsdating net or something more serious and long term – have a little look on Tinder or choose a dating site that meets your needs and give it a go. What have you got to lose by taking a peek?