29 Ways to Know You’re a “Proper Mum” Now

It happens to us all eventually, even if you try to fight it. One day you’re all about nights out and pretty shoes and the next you’re covered in baby sick and excited about buying a new Dyson. It creeps up on you slowly at first, then suddenly you’ll hear your own mother’s voice coming out of your mouth and you’ll know you’ve made it. You’re officially a Proper Mum. Here’s 29 ways to know when it happens.

1. You swap all your old favourites for the ‘Proper Mum’ versions. Mainly because Radio 1 keeps playing songs by bands you’ve never heard of and Topshop is full of clothes that show your belly button (no ta). Radio 2 and Marks & Spencer’s are more your style now.
2. You always have tissues/wet wipes in your bag and you use those wet wipes to clean everything – faces, bums, tables, cars dashboards… I recently read the phrase “from ass to glass”, and I’m down with that.
3. You have used spit to clean your child/partner’s face. Don’t lie because we’ve all done it.
4. You have shown the postman your boob at some point.
5. You have sniffed a baby’s bum in public. Even worse, you’ve stuck a finger in to double check. Extra points if you do it without shame.
6. On the subject of poo.. you’re in the ‘Proper Mum’ club once you’ve sent a poo picture to your mum friend Whatsapp group and asked “is this normal?”
7. You’ve left the house with baby sick/snot/other questionable stains on your clothes, and if anyone points it out you pretend it must’ve just happened
8. A garden centre is your idea of a brilliant day out. Especially if they have a nice cafe.
9. You get excited about really boring stuff. A new vacuum cleaner, a fancy mop, a new scent from your favourite cleaning brand.
10. Getting poo/vomit/snot on your clothes or hands no longer disgusts you, in fact it’s probably a daily occurrence that you’ve just had to accept.
11. You also get excited about other stuff your old self would be mortified by; the constipated baby finally pooing, getting baby sick stains out of your clothes, using one of those really gross/really satisfying snot suckers.
12. You have used the phrase ‘over-tired’ and have felt the full wrath of what it means.
13. Your fashion sense has taken a nose dive. Gone are the days of short skirts and brand names. It’s all about what’s practical/washes well/is on sale in the supermarket. When you get dressed in the morning ‘what’s clean’ is far more important than ‘what matches’…
14. You have found toys in the freezer/washing machine/toilet. And you weren’t surprised.
15. You start crying at random crap. Sad movies are one thing, but last year I cried at a Centre Parcs advert and I knew I’d reached ‘Proper Mum’ status.
16. Whilst looking in your bag for something you find any of the following: a toy car, a broken biscuit, spare pants or a mouldy banana.
17. You consider any solo trip a luxurious mini break, even if it’s just to Asda.
18. You have microwaved your tea after it went cold. Bonus points if you’ve had to microwave the same cup more than once.
19. Having your hair down is considered making an effort, because it’s almost always in a mum bun. You’re really a Proper Mum once you’ve considered cutting it all off because then it would be quicker to wash & dry…
20. You hum a little song that’s stuck in your head and realise it’s a CBeebies show’s theme tune….
21. Your pockets are full of really important objects – rocks, sticks and feathers, aka treasure to your three year old. Don’t you dare throw them away.
22. You find yourself still watching kids TV even after they’ve gone to bed, and sometimes don’t even notice for a good 20 minutes.
23. Your ‘cant leave the house without’ list now consists of snacks for the little people and a potty.
24. If you ever get the chance of a night away with your partner you immediately start fantasising….. about a full night’s sleep.
25. You have used phrases like “we’ll see” (knowing full well we won’t), “if you’re that hungry then eat an apple” or anything else you hated hearing from your own parents when you were a child.
26. You can name all of Paw Patrol, know all of their individual catch phrases and can name at least 3 episode plot lines without even thinking about it.
27. Your adult conversations almost always include you spelling out words to avoid little ears hearing them, and you say things like “Oh shhhh….ugar!!” while little eyes stare up at you.
28. You haven’t seen the bottom of your washing basket for 2 years.
29. You know all of this, and yet you absolutely wouldn’t change your ‘Proper Mum’ life for anything in the world.

Many thanks to all the Proper Mums who helped me create this list! Go check out their blogs because they are all brilliant – Me, Him, the Dog and a Baby, The Littlest Darlings, Then There Were Three, The Growing Mum, Anklebiters Adventures, Twinderelmo, Mum of 2.5, Mimi Rose and Me,  Nomipalony, Five Little Doves, A Slice of My Life, A Day in the Life of a Mum of 6, Sinead Latham, Mumzilla, Two Hearts One Roof, Thimble & Twig, Monkey and Mouse, Winnettes, A Journey to a Lifetime, What Mummy Thinks, Misadventurous Mummy, Mrs H’s Favourite Things,  Jacintaz Three, Mrs Mummy Harris, Kiddy Charts, Me and B Make Tea, Frugal Family, Talking Mums, Edspire,  Lylia Rose, And Another Ten Things.